following_failing_rejoicing in grace

becoming (vocation)

2011-12-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

Early in August I bought my first clergy shirt. This was kind of an exciting moment for me, and not just because it’s the most expensive shirt I own. Growing up a pastor’s son, these shirts were always in our laundry and in my dad’s closet. They were a symbol, for me, of who my dad was and what he meant for the community. I remember playing with the little white collar that he would pull off and leave on the table next to the couch after he crashed and fell asleep after Sunday services. I would feel the smooth white plastic on the sides and the textured middle as I turned it around in my little fingers. I would wonder why in the world the pastor wears this but never thought to ask this question (I later learned it is to symbolize that we are slaves to Christ—Roman slaves wore a similar collar to denote their lowly status).
When I bought the “Friar Tuck” brand shirt at the Augsburg Fortress store this summer the first thing I did was try it on with my suit and take a picture on my cell phone so I could send it to my parents. I felt like a kid playing pastor, getting dressed up in dad’s shirts and baptizing my GI Joes in a cereal bowl filled with water. It was like I was eight again, imitating my dad during his internship year. This feeling of playing pastor or imitating dad lasted for a couple of months. It returned each Sunday as I got dressed in the morning and made my way to the church. Yet, with each passing Sunday and with every funeral for which I wear the shirt during the week the feeling has dissipated. It is beginning to feel like my shirt, like my calling. And that is good.
I didn’t expect to feel like a kid playing pastor. It disturbed me at first. Even though I’d been told otherwise, I think I figured that as soon as a person is called to intern or called to be pastor for a particular church the pastoral identity would automatically come. Deep down, I figured that having the shirt or having the degree gave me the pastoral identity. What I’ve come to learn, and what I’ve come to treasure is the fact that the pastoral identity is not something given to a pastor like revelation from above or like a degree from an institution. The pastoral identity is earned in the relationships of mutual trust that form within the congregation. A person isn’t suddenly a pastor. A person becomes a pastor. My pastoral identity is formed in relationship with the parishioners of SPLC.
It has been a joy for me becoming a pastor for SPLC and I am so grateful that they have invited me into the trust of such formative relationships.

crying like a church on monday

2011-12-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

Contrary to the title of this post (taken from a New Radicals song title--which, by the way is one of my favorites from the 90s and is the only non-weird CCM cds that can be found in our humble little church)...

As I was saying, contrary to the title of this post, I actually really enjoy Mondays at SPLC (St. Paul Lutheran Church). Shannon, our youth director (who also happens to be one of my closest friends since high school), and I kind of run the show on Mondays. Pastor Mark (my supervisor and the lead pastor at SPLC) has Mondays off and our amazing secretary is away today. So Mondays are always rather laid back, a breath of fresh air and a moment to focus and reflect after the hustle of Sunday. Today, like other Mondays, I shut myself in my office all day and did the prepatory work that is such a huge part of being a pastor. This is one thing I hadn't even thought about. I guess I'd always known somewhere in my brain that a huge chunk, maybe a majority, of the work of the pastor is preparation. We prepare for confirmation, for upcoming Sundays, for preaching, for Sunday school, for caroling, for our work with the homeless shelter and food shelf, for our evangelism program, etc. Most of what we do is preparation and Mondays are a great time to really dig into it. Mondays are a time to study and think and pray and read and write and plan, and on and on and on. And since most people hate this second day of the week I actually get a bit of time to work. Still, it is in the interruptions that ministry happens on Mondays or on any day for that matter. The interruptions just tend to be shorter. Even in the midst of all the work I got done today I still had the wonderful opportunity to help a fellow with an immediate housing need and I got to have a great and surprising conversation with a parishioner about theology.

Part of the hardest part of this ministry, and I'm sure at least some other pastors feel this way, is the loneliness. Now I've read Nouwen (and enjoyed it) and I'm well aware that our call to ministry is a call to mutual vulnerability, but bearing your soul to friends is different than bearing your soul to parishioners. I can't say it's harder or easier, but I can say it is different and it is something you have to learn to do. And I'm learning. I'm fumbling and failing all the way, but I am learning.

Today I had one of those moments where the loneliness was alleviated for a time. I really love these sorts of moments. They are like fuel. Part of my loneliness comes from the huge change from being a full time student for 20ish years to being a Pastor/student. I miss the conversations. That is why I was so excited today to have a conversation with a guy from our congregation about Marcus Borg. Now, I don't find myself in agreement with all of what Borg says, but I love his writings. There are pieces of his theology that really speak to my faith and the doubt which is a part of that faith. This gentleman from church was talking about the adult forum a few weeks ago during which we discussed hospitality. He talked about the spiritual practice of hospitality as a way to "see through the dense haze of self." Then he quoted Marcus Borg. This was a welcome break from all the preparation and planning I was doing. I got excited, maybe a little overexcited (as I am prone to do) and lent him the two books by Borg that I had in my study (The Heart of Christianity and The Meaning of Jesus). I'm really hoping to follow up with him and have a conversation about his thoughts on the books.

Mondays are great.

Hypersleep Update

2011-12-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm deep into the internship year now here in Minnesota. It's been so long since I've posted I'll have to give a quick run-down of all the things that have happened in the last number of months before I try once again to start blogging regularly. Before I start I need to explain my rationale for trying to blog--after all, it feels like half of my posts on here are updates after months away. Whoops. Anyway, I'm not always one who is very introspective. It's easy for me to discuss high concepts and to pontificate about ideas of which I know very little. But it's not very easy for me to perform the ever important act of introspection or self-reflection. Now, I do journal pretty regularly, but I would like to learn to be introspective in a public way. I kind of feel as though it is my responsibility as a pastor to interpret my own experience for other people, to explain how and where and when I am encountered by God in the world and why in the world I believe that God is present in the human experience at all. Plus, when I journal and I know I am the only one who will be reading it, my writing gets very sloppy and I don't follow through on thoughts. The accountability of the other eyes that will see this help to change that. Besides all of this, I can get whiny and irritating if I know I'm the only one who will read what I have to say and that is tiring. I can really get on my nerves sometimes (insert comment about the importance of the external word here--thank you Dr. Paulson).

So, since I posted in May I finished the second semester of my middler year (that is seminary language for the second year). Last semester I was in what may have been some of the most influential classes for me personally and in terms of vocation and discernment. These included especially middler preaching, Lutheran confessions, and worship. I basically fell in love with Lutheranism last semester and now dorkily read the Formula of Concord in my free time.

Over the Summer I worked at the development office 10 hours every week. Even with my few hours and even though I sincerely liked my job I spent a good deal of time complaining about going to work. Pippi only worked a bit and so we got to spend a ton of time together. I watched a great deal of television and movies on netflix. Every weekend for 6 weeks in a row we were involved in weddings in Iowa and Minnesota, so that kept us pretty busy. I had the amazing privilege of delivering the homily and doing part of the liturgy at Jordan and Alisha's wedding. Really loved it. Got my wisdom teeth yanked out two weeks before internship started. Became really lazy after being in a drug induced stupor for a week and watched quite a few samurai movies. Read a bunch of good books. Pippi was offered a job at the very tail end of summer and took it. She's now a .9-time elementary music teacher.

In September I started internship at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Stillwater, MN. People often ask how it's going. Normally, my response is fumbling and bumbling. You know, church is church. It has its really wonderful things and its really terrible things. It's not a good or a bad experience. It's an experience and one that I like. The call to pastoral ministry is being affirmed, but not uniformly. There are parts that I don't particularly care for and there are certainly other things to which I may be called. Still, I'm really committed to the call, while also realistic about the fact that God may have other things in store too. I'm praying a lot for discernment, for God to guide me or lead me or help me listen or whatever so I can better come to understand what I'm called to be and do. I trust and hope that God is shaping Pippi and me through all of this. Sleep well.

Easter Reflection 1

2011-05-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

Text: Ezekiel 37:1-14 Sermon Preached: April 28

Easter Sunday has come and past. Christ is risen!!! By virtue of Christ’s resurrection, death is defeated and we are given new life. We are promised that Christ’s resurrection is our resurrection. Paul tells us in Romans that in baptism, we have been put to death with Christ and since this is so, we too will walk in newness of life just as Christ has been raised from the dead. This is most certainly true.

This last Sunday we celebrated this defeat of death and subversion of reality as we know it. After all, in reality, death should win; it should have the final word. But we know that God in Christ has the final word and that word is life. In our text today, God promises resurrection: God promises regeneration and restoration to the exiled people of Israel. By this promise and act, God proclaims, the people will know that God is God. God defines Godself in today’s text by the promise and act of resurrection. God defines Godself as the one who creates life where there is only death. In this season of Easter we hear again and again that God has given life to the dead and will bring about life in our death.

But, amidst this resurrection celebration, we look to all corners of the globe and still see death. There are plenty of dry, dry bones in our world. If God were to show me around the world like God showed the prophet Ezekiel around the valley I am certain that I would not see many skeletons or corpses getting up to walk. I would see death, and in the face of this death I would see so many people haunted by meaninglessness and despair. I am sure I would wonder at the dryness and multitude of the bones, at the utter hopelessness of it all. Our world is full of dry bones, as far as our eyes can see. While we are not placed in the midst of the valley of dry bones by the hand of God as Ezekiel was, modern media allows us to witness just how dry, how hopeless it all is. Just turn on the news:

A month and a half since the earthquake and tsunami ravaged Japan there is still death and destruction as far as the eye can see. In Japan we see dry, dry bones.

Millions of Haitians are still recovering from the quake almost a year and a half ago. Many of these Haitians are still homeless and a great deal fell victim to a severe cholera outbreak that followed the quake. We are surrounded by dry, dry bones.

As we hear reports of the US economy’s recovery, millions of our fellow citizens are still jobless, homeless, and hungry. Many of these are caught in cycles of poverty that stretch back for generations (Bread.org/hunger). We are standing amongst dry, dry bones.

People that we all personally know and love have died in recent months. I know I’ve lost people already this year. The valley in which we are standing is full of dry, dry bones.

Amidst all of this death…resurrection and the victory of God over death is hard to hear. It even seems absurd. It certainly defies our expectations of what should be. This season and today’s text challenge us to see all of this through new eyes, the way, perhaps, that God sees the world. There is despair as far as we can see, but there is hope as far as God can see.

In Ezekiel’s vision, this ordinary mortal is made to see the full extent of the death that abounds. In his time there was much of this to see. Ezekiel was a prophet in Judah leading up to and during the Babylonian Exile. This historical event was not just a relocation, a move to Babylon from Judah for the Israelites. No, the Babylonian Exile of the sixth century BCE was a displacement of a whole people. It was an occupation, a siege, a dislocation, and a decimation of a people and a culture. As David Garber puts it, “the Babylonians tortured the inhabitants of Jerusalem with siege warfare that lasted almost two years, leading to famine, disease, and despair…they destroyed the city of Jerusalem, razed the Temple to the ground, killed many of the inhabitants, and forced the rest to migrate to Babylon.” Ezekiel’s own wife dies before the exile and the prophet is not permitted to mourn, just as the people were not to be permitted to mourn for the destruction of the Temple. Ezekiel sees a valley of hopelessness.

He is shown around the valley. Yahweh leads him all about there so that he takes it all in. Having seen the extent of the dry bones, Ezekiel is astonished by the hopelessness of it all. The bones are so very dry, he notes, and there are so many of them. Those who were once held up by these bones have long, long since passed. It is as if a great multitude was struck dead as in battle and was then left to rot. These skeletons are not those to which we are accustomed. They are not the skeletons of Disney pirates or cute Halloween decorations. They are not even the skeletons that hang in our classrooms as learning tools. These are the bones of those who died at another’s hand. These are the bones of those whose life was taken from them. These are the bones of Ezekiel’s dead neighbors. There is no hope, no life to be seen here. Just death. Nothing more.

Yet, by virtue of Yahweh’s revivifying promise and action, Ezekiel is made to see more than his mortal eyes allow. God poses an absurd, perhaps even preposterous question to the prophet, “Mortal,” God asks, “can these bones live?” Is there any hope in despair? Were I Ezekiel, still astonished by the multitude and dryness of these old bones, I would have thought, of course not Yahweh. You have shown me. There is no life here. There is no hope. These people have been struck down and there is nothing more to do but mourn and despair. But, rather than presume to know the answer to God’s riddle, Ezekiel passes the question back to Yahweh. And Yahweh invites Ezekiel, this ordinary mortal, to see with resurrection eyes. Yes, God commands Ezekiel to participate in the regeneration of these bones. By the Word of God spoken to the bones and the breath by an ordinary human being, by the promise of resurrection and the infusion of breath, the bones are revivified and death does not have the victory. Life has the victory because Yahweh has the victory. In the midst of such death, of such hopelessness and despair Ezekiel is made to see life and hope. Ezekiel sees with resurrection eyes.

God tells Ezekiel, what you have seen here is the whole house of Israel. Yahweh has heard Ezekiel’s people cry: Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost, we are cut off completely. Ezekiel’s absurd and spectacular vision of the enlivening of old dry bones is God’s response to this lament. God’s people cry this cry and YHWH responds by showing the prophet Ezekiel something impossible: resurrection. New life. Yahweh responds to the cries of His people by promising and bringing about life where only death can be seen.

Where there is only death, God sees life. Where there is despair God sees hope. For God, the reality of resurrection, the reality of life from death, is greater than the reality of death. And this is because God brings this impossible reality about. The faithful and trustworthy creator of life is the progenitor of hope where there is only despair. Yahweh will deliver from every oppressor, even death. This is who God is in relation to God’s people. God has a history of listening to the cries of God’s people and bringing about resurrection where there is only death, and hope where there is only despair. After all, God freed the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, God gave the same people sustenance in the desert, raised a widow’s son at the hand of Elijah, and this is all even before God delivered the Israelites from the Babylonian Exile! The people of this resurrecting God are called to see with resurrection eyes. God calls God’s people to see the death in the world, indeed, even to walk around and be amongst the dry, dry bones, but not as those who are finally beaten by death and despair but as those who trust in the promise of new life.

The gift of faith allows us to trust that Yahweh, our God, triumphs over death with life. We can see this only with the eyes of faith, with resurrection eyes. Seeing with these eyes does not blind us to the death that surrounds us, so that we naively see only life and ignore the world’s despair.

Quite the opposite, seeing with the eyes of resurrection means seeing the death that abounds clearly, but seeing more clearly life in those dry bones. God’s people are called into the deepest suffering and death that the world has to offer, to suffer in, with and for the world, but to do so with resurrection eyes, so that despair does not finally triumph but so hope abounds. These resurrection eyes strengthen God’s people for work in the world.

Resurrection eyes saw the reality of hope even amidst the hopelessness of the plague 500 years ago. There are numerous reports of christisn leaders who stayed with their people even through periods of quarantine to care for the sick. Ordinary people with resurrection eyes gave their lives to care for the terminal, and still do so today.

Ordinary people with resurrection eyes see hope today in the dry bones of the victims of natural disaster, in the dry bones of the victims of disease, racism, violence, and economic injustice. Hunger, a problem at least as old as history, is combated by people of faith around the globe as they advocate for fairer legislation and distribution of our abundant resources.

Ordinary people with resurrection eyes see, as Ezekiel did, that where there is death, life is possible; That where despair seems to reign there is reason to hope; that this hope is to be lived amidst the driest of the dry bones.

By virtue of the resurrection of Christ, God has given you resurrection eyes, to see and be hope where there is only despair.

This subversion of the reality of death and the triumph of life over death that we call resurrection is so utterly unexpected, surprising, and even absurd, that it only makes sense when one has known resurrection in the gift of faith. It is Easter, and at this time we are reminded that we are given new life and the hope of resurrection that breaks into our here and now so that we can live in, with, and for a whole world full of dry, dry bones. With resurrection eyes we live with the dry bones without hopelessness, meaninglessness, or despair, but with faith in the God who is defined by resurrection. We see with resurrection eyes, because we have been known by the resurrected one. We see with resurrection eyes because we have been known by the one who hears and responds to the cries of the world. We see with resurrection eyes because we are called to speak God’s word of hope to a hopeless world.

Lenten Reflection 3

2011-04-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:6-11

The words we just read feel to me like a roller coaster. We climb the hill as we hear that setting the mind on the flesh is death and setting the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. The coaster slows as we climb: the mind set on the flesh is hostile to God, it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it. We reach the top of the climb and slow to a stop as we are told that those in the flesh cannot please God. We must live a certain way, orient our minds a certain way…or else. With these words, the coaster seems to stop. The wait at the top of this high hill after such a climb seems like an eternity. So we’ve got some time to think about these things.

Living according to the Spirit…setting the mind on the Spirit…achieving life and peace…pleasing God. There have been a couple of times when I was pretty sure that I had this figured out. I loved the thrill of the climb because I “got” the whole Spirit/flesh divide and was certain that I could live in a way that was pleasing to God. I had little patience for religious talk that strayed too far from demands like we heard in the first half of today’s text.

After working at a Bible camp a few summers back I was sure that I got it. I spent the summer bumping chests (Donald Miller) with Jesus and getting holier with my fellow counselors. Together we were more than certain about what was pleasing to God and what wasn’t. Everyday, we would rise before our campers to do Bible study together. We kept each other accountable for our horrible sins (most of which involved our teenaged hormones). On weekends we spent our free time passing out tracts at the mall and helping people recognize that they were sinners and damned unless they would repent and be saved. Thanks to our efforts to sanctify ourselves through all of the things we did, we could be certain that we were safe and wanted to get more recruits. The coaster climbed and climbed. As the requirements of faith, the pre-requisites for life and peace and pleasing God pulled us up the hill.

We knew that we were indeed abhorring the flesh and setting our minds on the Spirit and we wanted this to continue when we left each other and headed back into that nasty world. Each of us agreed to keep the others accountable so that we would leave our flesh behind and set our minds completely on the Spirit. So we promised to devote huge amounts of time everyday to prayer and Bible study. When we saw people sitting alone in our college cafeterias we promised each other that we would practice what we called intentional evangelism (I’m still curious what unintentional evangelism looks like). Because we happened to be politically progressive, we promised to be active in our campus advocacy organizations and do at least one thing a day for social justice. On top of that, I became a vegetarian. Since scripture told us that the flesh was bad, we would master our own. Any hormonal urges were to be punished with fasting. We were serious. We knew we had to set our minds on the Spirit. God demands no less. This was all so clear. Life made a lot of sense as our coaster climbed the hill.

Soon after returning to life away from camp things started to come apart. First, my friends sat together at meals, so I didn’t exactly follow through on the intentional evangelism piece. Then homework picked up, so I didn’t always get around to the 30 minutes of prayer and couple chapters of devotional bible reading that we expected of each other. I did better with the justice thing and vegetarianism, but always felt like I should have been doing more. And I certainly did not fast every time lust entered in. After a few short weeks I was miserable. I felt terrible about all of this. I failed my accountability partners and I failed my God. It was devastating. I was frustrated by my failure. And I also didn’t see the thrill of the ride ahead. (Pause)

Paul says in today’s writing that, “Those who are in the flesh cannot please God…” At the top of the hill we are left wondering, have we pleased God? For those of us who have felt the sting of failure when we’ve tried so hard to improve, to make ourselves holier, the apex of this hill is a scary place because we know we have not in fact pleased God. Still, without our pushing, the coaster inches forward, and before we know it we are flying down the hill with our stomachs in our throats.

Just as swiftly as the coaster car falls Paul proclaims: But you ARE NOT in the flesh, you are in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God dwells in you. The coaster whips us around a spiral: If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. And finally, the momentum of that great hill is enough to push us though a loop that turns our whole world upside down: If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you.

What a ride! All of the demands we heard as we climbed the front of the hill, God has already given us. (Pause) The summons to set the mind on the Spirit is followed by the proclamation that we ARE IN the Spirit, because the Spirit DWELLS IN us, just like God dwelt with the Israelites in the wilderness and just like Jesus dwelt with humanity in the flesh.

After being dropped, spun around, and turned upside down by this surprising indwelling Spirit, I can’t help but see the world differently. In building up good works by my own holiness and a concern for my salvation and sanctification above all else, I was not setting my mind on the Spirit at all. In fact, this self-congratulatory religion that I practiced was really self-centered idolatry, it was a religion of distrust in the work of God and abhorrence for the neighbor, who was only useful to me if he or she added to my holiness.

Please don’t misunderstand, it is not that the things we did were bad, but it is that they came from a place of insecurity, of distrust for God’s work and trust in our own above God’s. As good as we thought our intentions were, my counselor friends and I misunderstood a couple of very important things. The call to set the mind on the Spirit is not a law or an obligation but a descriptive characteristic of life in the Spirit; it is a new way of living, not ruled by us but by the Spirit within us. It is the Spirit’s gift and not our work.

Moreover, we were operating under the assumption that these words against the flesh are a call to detest our bodies and the present, worldly reality. If this text was about hating the present reality and not seeking to change anything here and now, then the Spirit dwelling with us in this world and the promise of life for our mortal bodies that we hear in the text would seem rather out of place. There is a deep concern in this text for the present bodily reality. It is just that the approach is different. We are not called to trust God and love God’s people by our own power or will, but by the Spirit’s power and will. We do not live in that old reality of requirements and pre-requisites, but in the reality of the Spirit.

Flesh, in this text, is simply the characteristic of the old way of living, it is living without the truth that in the Spirit everything has changed. The indwelling Spirit alone makes alive and it alone is life. The righteousness of the law, this setting the mind on the Spirit is not fulfilled by us, blessed be God, it is fulfilled in us. (Pause) The Spirit is life within us and it will give life to our mortal bodies. What’s more, this Spirit is not achieved but received.

So we feel the thrill of the roller coaster, the thrill of God working new life within us. But this ride does not leave us the same as when we started. Here is where all of this really becomes beautiful. Because the Spirit is life within us, because the old way of understanding God and the world has died with our old way of being, we are free to LIVE this new life. We are made alive by the indwelling Spirit of God, and by this same Spirit, we LIVE this new life.

By virtue of the indwelling Spirit, we are free to live with our minds set on the Spirit. God has given us this freedom for a purpose. God has given us the freedom of new life so that we live a life of trust in God’s promises and love for our neighbors.

The Spirit changes everything, so everything must change. This change, this setting the mind on the Spirit, happens in the world in which we already live, and in the callings to which we have been called.

The Spirit has entered into our world, where we are, in our everyday lives and has made us alive to live differently.

So we live deeply into the Spirit in the context of our callings. We are called to live freely in love for God and God’s creation in the context of our day-to-day lives. We live in the Spirit, with our minds set on the Spirit as we change our children’s diapers, write papers, have meals with our spouses, prepare for internship, advocate for justice, plant a tree, or do anything else in our callings out of the freedom of the new life in the Spirit. Out of the freedom of a life changed by God.

The old, dead person who belongs to the flesh will certainly still try to dominate our lives and define who we are. But remember that you are not that old person. You are in the Spirit because the Spirit dwells in you. You are sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever. Now LIVE on the basis of that indwelling Spirit.

Lenten Reflection 2

2011-03-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

Text: John 4:5-42 Sermon Preached: March 24, 2011

In our text today we witness the living water gushing forth to erode the walls that divide and exclude. We hear this word well aware of what water can do. In the last few weeks the world has watched in horror as water that was stirred to life by the quaking ground has claimed the lives of thousands of our brothers and sisters, especially in Japan. We mourn the movement of this water. Here in Minnesota, where the snow just does not seem to stop, people are bracing themselves for the water that threatens to burst the barriers that we’ve set up to protect ourselves and our possessions. We are very aware of what water can do.

In fact, many of us have probably witnessed the destructive capabilities of water first hand. I personally had the distinct privilege to be in central Iowa during the great flood of 2008. Our home that had never flooded before fell victim to the living water that summer. This water broke through every barrier. It crumbled boxes, weakened walls, and threw open doors. Everything that kept our belongings protected and in their proper places was eroded so that our stuff was scattered about the basement. Living water flows into unexpected places with the force to tear down barriers.

Whether we have experienced something like this first hand or have watched what has happened on the news, we are all aware of what living water can do when it moves into our lives.

The water that Jesus offers in our text today also crumbles and erodes barriers. The living water from Jesus erodes the barriers that divide us from God and one another. Only, when these walls are eroded it is not cause for mourning but celebration. For, with these walls destroyed, there is nothing to stop us from loving God and one another.

The world of the woman at the well is full of walls. Her walls have been constructed for her, to keep her in her proper place. The narrator knows this. While this woman is not mentioned by name, the narrator takes care to tell us again and again that she is a Samaritan and a woman. Both her ethnic identity and her womanhood should keep Jesus the Jewish rabbi safely on his side of the wall.

The woman herself is also keenly aware of her identity. Jesus asks her for a drink, and she responds suspiciously, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?” She knows her history; that her people have been victimized and colonized five times over the last 700 years, with Rome as the sixth colonizer. She knows that they have thus intermarried with their colonizers and that though they worship Yahweh her people and Jesus’ people have some central theological differences concerning the Law and where to worship. The woman at the well knows that these ethnic and religious differences should keep Jesus and her safely on opposite sides of the wall.

Perhaps she thinks it odd when Jesus brings up her marital history, that like her people who have been colonized 5 going onto 6 times, she has been given in marriage five times to five different people and is now with her sixth. She is a woman who has experienced tragic loss and great need. Her victimization and the victimization of her people should keep Jesus safely on the other side of the wall.

With this in mind, she initiates a deeply theological conversation with Jesus about the very wall that divides her from him. “Where should we worship?” She gets to the heart of their religious differences. Her identity brings with it walls of gender, nationality, ethnicity, and religion that should keep Jesus, the Jewish man, in his proper place, safely on his side of the wall.

When the disciples return, having found food for their teacher, they are astonished to find Jesus speaking with a woman. Can’t Jesus see the wall there? What sort of rabbi is this? I think the disciples are particularly concerned with her gender because the narrator had a hunch that future generations would have the same concern. What with all the non-biblical speculation about her…let’s call it sin to put it gently. See, even faithful preachers and interpreters see the wall there and can’t help but define her by it, making it as tall as possible by adding lacking morals to her identity. In any case, her gender identity should exclude her. Jesus should definitely stay safely on his side of the wall.

These walls should ultimately define her and keep her in her proper place. They should keep Jesus away. But here is the astonishing thing…Jesus does not finally let the walls define or exclude her. Jesus defines her specifically as one who is included. One who is welcomed, and beloved. One who is worth his time and his gift of living water, one who can provide for him and witness to him. He meets her on her side of the wall to give her the water that will crumble the walls.

The water that crumbles her wall starts with an encounter. Jesus meets her in the heat of the day as one in need. He does not let the walls keep him from her, but comes to her…in her land, at her well; to encounter the fullness of her humanity. He does not ask her to change her religion or national identity, or even to leave the man she is with. No! He simply reveals himself to her and shows that he knows her. He knows her truly and deeply, even in her most closely held hurt. When he reveals that he knows her she starts to see who he really is…he’s the one her people have been waiting for, the Messiah, I AM. He knows her so that she can know him.

Jesus crosses the walls that divide to enter deeply into relationship with this woman. In this she is given the living water that will never run out. This relationship is the water that sustains. So, when she leaves she doesn’t take her water jar with her. She leaves it because she doesn’t need it. The water has been poured into her. This water gushes forth crumbling all the walls that exclude her from relationship with Jesus and his disciples. She starts to see, like Jesus does, that the walls are crumbling and breaking down. She is still a woman, still a Samaritan, still one who has known tragedy, but these are no longer reasons for walls of exclusion as they are not her ultimate definition. She begins to see that she is defined by the relationship that Jesus has started with her.

With the walls crashing down around her she rushes home to bring her neighbors so that their walls might come crashing down, so they can see and can start to figure out with her what it means to see the world in this way and what it means to be in relationship with this odd and wondrous man. As the living water that Jesus gives starts to break down their walls that divide and exclude them from God and one another; when they encounter him for themselves, they can say, “Truly this is the Savior of the world.”

Jesus tells his disciples in today’s text that he has come to finish the work of the Father, on the cross he declares that it is finished; he offers the Samaritan woman the ever-quenching living water and on the cross it flows from his side, destroying all walls dividing God’s beloved humanity.

Our own world is full of walls. Literal walls divide entire nations. We exclude and are excluded by walls that our society builds around gender, socio-economic status, race, religion, and sexual orientation. These are only a few of the definitions that have walls built around them in our world. Our churches even erect or support walls to try to exclude the other from God and from us. It’s safer this way, we think to ourselves. Many friends have shared stories with me about walls erected to keep us from being who we are called to be in relationship with Christ. Whether we have been thought to be too young to be called or whether people have denied the validity of our call because of our gender, or you can add in your own experience. We have run headfirst into these walls.

Unfortunately for these barriers, Christ still encounters us with this gift of living water. Christ meets us in the ordinariness of our everyday lives, at our own wells where we are just gathering water for the day. He meets us in the everyday stuff of life, in bread and wine, in words, in the other who indelibly touches us across walls that should divide. In this coming to know Christ, in these ordinary encounters, we are given the living water.

Can you hear the walls start to crumble? Can you feel the living water spray through the cracks of our walls of exclusion and division? Can you see the rubble fly in different directions as the water finally breaks through? This living water gushes forth into the fullness of our world, crumbing the walls that divide us from God and our neighbors. Because Jesus has encountered us in our land, has met us and continues to meet us where we are, we are free to be united with God and one another…we are free to live in a world without walls.

Lenten Reflection 1

2011-03-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

On the first Sunday of this reflective 40 day journey that we call lent, we ran into Jesus in what might seem like a rather surprising place. This place is one with which we human creatures are quite familiar. It is a place of chaos and danger, of anxiety and hunger, of distrust and temptation. We begin this Lenten journey by meeting Jesus in the wilderness.

The wilderness brings to mind a number of biblical images. The patriarchs and matriarchs in Genesis spend some time there, some figuratively, some literally. Elijah fled for his life and asked to die in the wilderness. And, of course, the people Israel wandered in the wilderness for forty years, a really long time to be there.

For some of us, the wilderness brings to mind our own life experiences. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, even the call to serve God in any number of capacities, and you can name your own wilderness experience, these leave us wandering, famished, exhausted. And Jesus meets us here.

Now, I do not come from a very outdoorsy family. When we went “camping” every summer it was either to my grandparents’ condo on lake Okoboji or at a resort style Bible camp complete with air conditioning. So, I did not get to really start to understand wilderness in the literal sense until college when I spent four months in Tanzania, mostly deep in the bush amongst Maasai tribes.

My first worship experience in Tanzania was toward the end of an especially dry dry season. Service on the dusty open plain in this small Masaai village was interrupted a number of times by debris blown into our windowless worship space, dust in our eyes, and small wind whipped dust cyclones that would tear through in front of the altar. Here was chaos and some level of uncertainty in the wilderness, but it was also here in our wilderness community that we heard the word and received the Lord’s Supper. To my surprise, Jesus was in this wilderness!

“Great,” we might say to ourselves, “Jesus showed up in this dry and desolate place, he must be here to scoop us up and take us out of here or at least turn this wilderness into a bright sunny beach. After all, we just learned in Jesus’ baptism that occurs immediately before this in Matthew that Jesus is the Son of God and the Son of God is certainly powerful enough to get us out of here.” But, to our surprise, we encounter Jesus, this Son of God in the wilderness as one with us. We encounter Jesus as one who is feeling the weight of the wilderness himself, as one who is hungry, tempted, and yet faithful. Suddenly, we are forced to reconsider what Jesus’ being the Son of God must mean. Maybe it means more than supernatural ability and kingly power. Maybe being the Son of God means trusting faithfully in God’s promises, especially in the wilderness.

In our text today, Jesus shows us what being the Son of God looks like, as He allows only God to define that relational identity. The season of Lent that we have recently entered is a time to reflect on that very identity and it is a reminder to us Christians that who we are is intimately intertwined with who Christ is. In short, because of who Christ is, we are who we are.

As we reach our text in Matthew’s telling of the story of Jesus, God has just recently broken the news: “This is my Son,” God tells the world. Rather than throwing a parade or making up for twenty-some missed birthday parties, God’s Spirit brings Jesus TO BE tested in the wilderness. This is a time for Jesus to live into his newly revealed identity. Now, hungry from 40 days of fasting, the tester shows up and the exam begins.

“If you are the Son of God…” the devil immediately tells Jesus what the subject of the test will be. The subject is Jesus’ sonship. The temptations that the devil puts before Jesus are concerned with who Jesus is in relation to God. The devil, after all, has an idea about what should make someone God’s Son. This idea is what we might call common knowledge. The Son of God, common knowledge tells us, deserves and gets satisfaction, power, and authority. This Son of God should be glorious like a well-fed earthly king. The devil’s idea is that the Son of God has the power to fulfill his own immediate needs and that the Son of God has spiritual authority and autonomy and that the Son of God is entitled to imperial rule. Sounds right…doesn’t it?

These tests are temptations to live like common knowledge would tell us a Son of God should live. They are temptations of self-satisfaction, distrust, and the status-quo type power of empire and earthly rulers. Ultimately, all of these are temptations to be Son of God in a way that is defined by someone other than God. These are temptations to be someone other than who Jesus is, temptations not to live into his identity.

The amazing thing is that Jesus does not let the devil have the final word on the matter of who he is! God has the final word! Three times Jesus is tested and three times Jesus responds with God’s word. Trust in God’s provision, God’s faithfulness, and God’s way characterize Jesus as the Son of God and silence the voice that speaks against this identity.

Now, here is the beautiful thing, because of who Christ is in relation to God, we are freed to ever more fully be who we are…the Children of God! We are free, by virtue of Christ’s living into his identity as Son of God to live into our own identity as Children of God. What we hear in Matthew’s gospel is not that we can overcome temptation if we just try, but that out identity is finally not defined by the devil, that is, by the powers of selfishness, distrust, the might of the status quo, or anything we might worship other than God. No! As Children of God we are finally defined by God. God has the final word and says to all of us, “You are my child, the beloved, with whom I am well pleased.” Because of who Christ is we are who we are. In the wilderness of this life and especially now in the wilderness of lent, we are freed to live more fully into this identity, to be who we are.

In this particular season, most of us in this room are in the risky and chaotic wilderness of waiting for internship placement. Others here today are in the wilderness of dealing with ornery students who are in the wilderness of waiting. Meeting Jesus in the wilderness at this particular time in this season comes pretty naturally, because, well, we are already there in this dry and desolate place of uncertainty and anxiety. This is our condition and Jesus meets us here.

In his commentary on the first temptation Jesus that faces in Matthew’s gospel, Tom Long tells us that Jesus is tempted to make the nature of his work too small, to satisfy himself (Long, Matthew, 35). Not to have in his mind and before his eyes the picture of his call. Now, this does not mean that it was bad for Jesus to be hungry or that it is bad to fulfill physical need. This isn’t some ethereal flesh loathing text that calls us to asceticism, to flee to the hills and master our desires. Jesus is not saying no to food per se or no to his body per se. Rather, Jesus says no to the minimizing of his identity, to self concern and self satisfaction as set against trust in God and God’s mission. Jesus gives the final word to God and reminds the devil that being the Son of God means trusting God in the wilderness and being concerned with God’s mission for the world, not just with himself.

My own temptation in this time of uncertainty and waiting, like Jesus’ in the wilderness, is to be drawn into self-satisfaction and self-concern over concern for God’s mission and my call to be in that mission. This inward turn of self-concern manifests in anxiety…and here we are…in the wilderness.

Meeting Jesus in this wilderness does not mean that the anxiety will magically disappear or that God’s call to us will make life nice, comfortable, or easy. But it does mean that the forces that cause such anxiety do not have the final word.

Our identity is intertwined with the identity of Christ, remember, we are the body of Christ, Christians, that is, little Christs. By virtue of his identity as the Son of God, we are brought into the family of God, we are brought into His story, and we are freed by Christ to live into this identity, trusting the promises of God even in the wilderness, following God’s way even when it leads to the cross, and living defined by God even when other definitions of who we are may seem very appealing. Because of who Christ is, we are who we are. As Christ is shown to be the Son of God in the wilderness, we are God’s beloved Children in the wilderness, in the city, and even in the classroom. Only God defines us. All other voices are silenced. God has the final word.

God and the Earthquake

2011-01-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

As one who claims a Christian faith, I have long struggled with the justice of God in the face of the world’s evil. I am most certain that I am not alone in this. The questions for me truthfully began at eight, shortly after leukemia took the life of a cousin who was only a couple of months my elder. Death became real. Suffering was suddenly more than boredom and skinned knees. Suffering was loss, deep loss. This was the first time that a ‘why?’ went unanswered by the adults who were supposed to know. So I did what children and psalmists do well, I lamented. I raged at God for creating a world where this could happen…

My own lament was reflected back to me tenfold as I sang at a funeral years later. The front row was filled with the deceased’s immediate family: a young husband, a teenage daughter, and a son who could not have been older than ten. As the pastor delivered the sermon the young son, crying into his own hands, gradually looked up at the pulpit and began to yell, “No!!! Don’t say the words!!!! No!!! Don’t say them!!!! No!!! She’ll be gone! You can’t take her! Why don’t you shut up!?!” I was grateful to see that the pastor continued to speak and the family allowed the son to grieve and lament, only now his father was holding him. There were no theological platitudes that could calm this boy. Nothing to stand between his hurt and God. He was exposed. I could not help but to join him in this lament. Why God?

This boy’s lament was displayed millions of times over in the earthquake that ravaged Haiti a year ago. Why God? This is a very good question and one to which there are no easy answers. Those who claim to know why are lying and kidding themselves. Usually those who claim to know why this sort of deep suffering happens are driven more by political motives that reduce the gospel to empty moralism than by sincere and humble theological reflection and the sort of love for which God Herself has suffered. Still, this does not mean that Christians can remain silent. If God is God for the Christian, we must be willing to be open and honest about how our faith is feasible in a world of suffering. We can neither claim to speak for God nor remain silent. So, we can begin by lamenting. Lament acknowledges that God is God. God is powerful enough to have stopped suffering, even if God does not always work magically in the world to intercede. Lament is calling upon God to act in power in a way that we believe to be consistent with God’s character. There is nothing wrong with that! (Though God often responds by expecting us to care for each other-what could the world of Christians have done to lessen the suffering in Haiti? God really believes in God’s people!) Moreover, lament admits that we humans are human. We do not understand and we need answers! Why God? Especially in the case of natural disaster (even when it is complicated by moral chaos and human failing as in the case of Haiti) the process of lament is important. It is healthy when the natural order, acting within its created nature in an indifferent fashion, harms humans and takes lives (which is then interpreted as evil).

Along with lament, we can make some claims and affirmations in response to the why questions that I believe are consistent with God’s character and work in the world. What is God’s role in suffering? Was the Haiti earthquake God’s will? I would argue that God’s will is for life and that such innocent suffering is against the will of God. God was not the direct cause of each individual’s suffering. God was not mad at Haiti. To claim the opposite of these statements is to make some rather anthropocentric claims. Moreover, God’s will is not omni-causal, that is, God does not will each moment and event into existence. No, God has created a free world full of free beings. Indeed, God has created a free world that God loves. This world is made up of tectonic plates that, when acting within their very God given nature, move against one another, causing great quaking of the earth beneath our feet. This created nature is not murderous or vindictive, but largely indifferent toward human life. And the scary and wonderful affirmation of faith is that God loves this free world! This is obviously no attempt to get God off the hook. God has created a world full of horror. Yet, God has also created a world of love, beauty, and goodness. So, it is entirely within reason on this anniversary of the tragedy in Haiti to turn to God in lament, asking why and whether this freedom, love, and goodness is worth such horror and suffering. And it is entirely within reason to turn to God in trust. For the God who has created the free world is the God who loves and who has promised that death will not have the final word. With this assurance, Christians can lament and exist totally with and for the suffering world without despairing completely. This further allows Christians to work hard to love as we are loved in the face of the world’s evil and chaos.

Life Update--a long time coming

2010-11-08T08:25:00.000-08:00

Well, hello all. It has obviously been quite a while since the last update. I swear I have a good reason. You see, about ten days after the last update, Pippi and I got married. Between this and getting used to life together and in the swing of middler year, I've had little time to write. In any case, a quick update is in order before diving into more reflective material.
I hardly need to say this, but the wedding went well. The ceremony was very relaxed and light-hearted and the reception was super fun. Pip's Dad's band Flavor played and so did pieces of her brother's band. It was a blast. The honeymoon was in beautiful Isla Mujeres, Mexico thanks to Pip's uncle Tim and was amazing, except for the fact that I got really sick the last day. Shortly after the honeymoon, we moved into our apartment in St. Paul. I would say the biggest challenge we've faced so far in marriage is simply scheduling. Between Pip's regular sub gigs and my crazy school and work schedule, we've definitely had to move things around to grab quality time together. I will say I made the terrible mistake of taking six classes for the first six weeks. There wasn't time for anything.
Other than the marriage business, I'm happy to say that middler year is going well and figuring internship out is also just fine. Now that a couple half term courses have ended, I've got some more time on my hands, which is nice.
I was officially endorsed by my synod last month. This means that I have their approval for internship. The whole endorsement process, which included writing an essay and meeting for an interview, went quite well. They did point out that I need to work on over-committing myself. Who knew?
Ok, this rambling has gone on long enough. I'll be posting a reflection of more substance very soon.

ramblings and a bit on vocation

2010-08-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

Happy August everybody,

Well, that sweaty month has come. Today it felt like I was swimming in the thick air as I walked from my car to the hospital. But I don't mind the heat. Plus it is finally the month of our wedding. After almost a year and a half of engagement it's about time. It is now officially 10 days 18 hours and 57 minutes away. Since I have a lot on my mind right now, I'm not going to write some original lengthy theological rant or musing. Rather, I'll include below part of an essay I wrote recently for something else. It's about vocation. Enjoy! I hope it makes sense.

As a baptized Lutheran Christian, I have received the general call to faith in Christ and participation in the church. Because of this call, this movement of God toward me, I faithfully believe in the triune God who exists as love and shows us perfect community; I believe that God creates and sustains creation, and that we can see and witness to God’s creative work as it occurs before our very eyes; I believe that Christ’s life, death, and resurrection hold for humanity the hope and assurance of liberation from sin and ultimate unity with God and the other in the new life of the reign of God; I also believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in God’s church as it guides us to live within the reign of God by existing with and for the other all for God’s sake. This general call is to more than intellectual assent to the creeds and doctrines of the church. In baptism we are called to discipleship. We are called to follow the living truth in love for the neighbor and all of God’s creation. Martin Luther puts it more plainly when he writes in his “Introduction to St. Paul’s Letter of the Romans,” “[I]t is just as impossible to separate faith and works as it is to separate heat and light from fire.” In confirmation we affirm this faith that we receive in baptism, and promise our participation in the community of faith.

For me, living faithfully thus means seeking and working for justice for the oppressed, weeping with the sorrowful, hurting with the broken, and rejoicing with the joyful. In church, we confess Christ so that we can live this faithful life in our homes, our workplaces, at the capital, in the hospital, and any other place we might find ourselves. In this way, I can say confidently that I have not only been called to the ministry of teaching, preaching, and confessing, but that I have also been called to my relationship with my wife Pippi, to loving and respecting my parents and family, to my friendships and all other relationships; I have been called to Luther Seminary to study, to working with children in camp settings, to urban ministry, and to economic and hunger justice ministries. Through personal and communal discernment that has been confirmed by the corporate body of Christ, I have been called to these places to confess Christ to the world and to meet Christ in the world.

stuff i learned from other people

2010-07-25T20:21:00.001-07:00

Good evening y'all,

It is Sunday evening, July 25, 2010. We are officially 18 days and 17 hours from the wedding. I could not be more ready. There is a lot left to do but it will happen whether we're ready. Honestly, I can say no cold feet and little nervousness. I'm mostly just excited and ready to be relaxing with my new wife in Mexico. The wedding is fun and all, but I think I'm most looking forward to married life-getting back to St. Paul and settling into life together.

There are three weeks of CPE left. I've loved it, but I'm definitely ready to be back to life as normal. The clinical time with patients has been my favorite. Don't get me wrong, the group time and on call has been fine-but the best part is really existing with people as they travel through some life changing times.

Last week we had our "CPE day" with the other advocate health centers. This was definitely one of the academic highlights of the summer. The keynote speaker was the Rev. Dr. Teresa Snorton. She is the director of the national ACPE and bishop of the Christian Methodist Episcopal church. Dr. Snorton spoke beautifully to us about diversity in ministry. During her presentation, I had the opportunity to share my theological traditions with the people at my table. At this, I realized that I owe a lot to denominations other than the ELCA that have had an affect on my worldview. Specifically, I have learned a lot from the anabaptist peace churches and the UUs. There are others that have influenced me, but these are a couple that I have not previously acknowledged. From the first, I have grown into an ethic of nonviolence. From the second I have learned quite a bit.

I attended a UU community for a while in college and was attracted to it for a number of reasons. First, the UUs are held together not necessarily by doctrine or dogma, but by practice and appreciation for the dignity of all peoples. Similarly, I do not believe that we are ultimately judged by intellectual assent to doctrine. Intellectual assent does not ultimately define our stance before our graceful, loving God. Christianity is about more than assent. It is about community and practice. If I were ultimately judged by whether I believed everything perfectly, I would certainly be damned. Second, the UUs have a profound respect for other religions. Third, I experienced radical hospitality from UUs. I felt accepted wholly, simply for who I was. This is the kind of church God desires. Well, you might ask what brought me back to the ELCA? Sin. What I first appreciate about Lutheranism is the reality with which it understands humanity. There is something deeply wrong about humanity. Something that needs redeemed. Lutheranism points to and even emphasizes this. During lent, the congregations confront this communally. In our culture of excess, it is so important to admit that we are broken and sinful, that we participate daily in systems of sin and that there is no way to shake this sin without the help of God. This is the language my spirit speaks.

a midsummer's blah blah

2010-07-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

hola y'all!

i've decided, for a change of pace, to write this entry kind of ee cummings style with no capitals. why? because i can. life is good here in the sweltering heat of the swift moving summer. i'm currently at the hospital serving my on call evening. i've really lucked out in a lot of ways with my placement this summer. for example (and yes, this is totally bragging), i don't have over night on calls. instead, we just stay around all day until 11. this is very much appreciated, especially after weeks like the last one. it was quite an emotionally charged one here at the hospital and at home as well. i sat with patients in real desperate and moving situations and got to be present in some really life changing moments. i can't and won't give more detail than that, but i will say that it was as rewarding as it was exhausting. after serving on call last week i simply collapsed into my bed from exhaustion. while i would love to maybe try a year program of chaplain residency, i definitely do not think that i would be cut out for this sort of intense spiritual care as a full time job. well, i guess this is all part of the discernment process.

at home, pippi and i are well into the final throws of wedding planning. it seems to me that there is more and more to do every day. but fortunately i have a level headed fiancee who tells me that we are right on schedule. i like her. i really just wish it was august 16th and we were sitting on the beach enjoying the sun together. soon enough.

in my devotional times, i have been thinking a lot about a short piece of hindu scripture i read in heidi neumark's book breathing space. while i can't recite it here from memory, i can share with you the general gist. it is basically about the strength of motion. that the sturdy, stable tree is brought down, torn from the ground, by rushing waters. life for me, and general life in the hospital seems to be always rushing. this story reminds me that, while i do need to allow rest for myself, God most certainly meets me in the hustle. these rushing waters are blessed. patients often speak about trying to go with the flow. this is especially true on the cvicu floor. while i hope that they do take the time and courage to assert themselves so they make sure their humanity is honored with dignity in this building, i do think that this can be a healthy attitude for a person to have. we move with the currents of life, allowing ourselves the full experience of change, renewal, and loss. in this motion we meet God.

well into summer

2010-06-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

Just wanted to write a quick update. The summer is moving along nicely. I am still surprised by how fast it is going. We are already four weeks into the ten week CPE program. This has been a really wonderful experience so far. The group gets along quite well and is every open. It is such a different atmosphere than I am used to in terms of the openness of the group. Still, I really look forward to clinical time the most. This is the time that we get to spend with patients. Every now and again it is clear that the chaplain's presence is not welcome in a room, but mostly I find that people are really quite willing to offer the chaplain hospitality by letting us into their space for a chat. Some patients really want to explore issues of faith and their emotions, but many patients just want someone to talk to. The hospital can be a lonely place for people and I feel so blessed to be in a position to relieve some of that loneliness. I could certainly see myself doing this in a more full time way.

Pippi and I are doing amazing! We just received news that we will indeed get the housing we were hoping for next year. This was really the last thing that was up in the air in terms of planning for next year. It was really exciting news for us! In other news, we've been getting a lot of rsvp cards for the wedding-thank you for that and we've been spending a good amount of time on weekends at her parent's cabin in Wisconsin. All in all, a good summer so far. Here's hoping for more of the same.

making space

2010-06-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;

it is the center hole that makes it useful.

shape clay into a vessel;

it is the space within that makes it useful.

cut doors and windows for a room;

it is the holes which make it useful.

therefore profit comes from what is there;

usefulness from what is not there. (Lao Tzu)

I came across this piece from Lao Tzu a couple of months ago as I read Heidi Neumark's Breathing Space. It speaks to the notion that when we empty ourselves of ourselves, we are able to better be used by God for God's mission in the world. Paul reflects upon a similar sentiment in his second letter to the Corinthians: But we have this treasure in clay jars so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are fragile vessels. When we are emptied of our selfish concerns, we can be filled with the ministry that God has for us-and this is our strength, this fortifies our otherwise fragile walls so we can be God's people in the world. This has been an especially helpful reflection for summer CPE. I realize that I bring all of my concerns, prejudices, joys, and sorrows into every patient's room I enter. I am very full of things that can get in the way of really existing with and for the patients. Yet, it is my calling to be empty of myself so I can be filled again with the gospel, which enables me to focus wholly on the patient. For me, this emptying comes about through prayer and meditation. Through these, I feel empowered to focus my thoughts outside of myself. When I am emptied of myself, I can better live in to my calling.

shape clay into a vessel;

it is the center hole that makes it useful.

the beginning of CPE and imago dei

2010-06-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

The summer is off and running. This week begins my second week of CPE and my first week of being with patients. It has been a spectacular experience so far and I am sure I will tell you more and more about it as the summer progresses. I have my first on call night on Wednesday and I'm really looking forward to it. Our CPE group has really clicked already. Oddly, it is a group of five guys. That homogeny does not often happen in summer CPE programs. But it works for us and we get on quite well. Tomorrow we have our end of orientation retreat and after that we start full steam ahead! I can't wait to visit regularly with patients. I'll be working primarily on the CVICU floor, so I'll have plenty of long term patients. Pippi and I have been busy wedding planning and I have been adjusting with ease to my new living arrangements with my aunt and uncle. This summer we are worshipping at the church where we'll be married. It's a great place. Much has been accomplished already and I am excited that things are becoming more normal and are settling down around here so that I can share my life with you on this blog more frequently.

A few weeks ago I turned in my final paper for our first systematic theology class, Creation and the Triune God. In it, I reflected upon the doctrine of the image of God from a feminist perspective. The paper itself was not entirely arduous work, but the questions that have arisen since have merited much of my attention. The root of the Image of God is Genesis 1:27:

So God created humankind in his image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

The notion underlying this piece of literature is that humans are special. In some way, we are a reflection of God; we are created in God’s image. This is easy to say, harder to understand. Here are some options for trying to make sense out of this foundational religious belief: humanity could possibly be made physically in God’s image. Humanity could also be in God’s image because of our dominion towards creation. On the other hand, God’s image could be found in our capacity to create. We do “god-like” things like build and create. Or, it could be that God’s image is expressed or reflected in us through our relational nature. We are like God because we are defined by and exist in relationship with others. We reach out in love and receive the same. There is beauty and truth in all of these options (some are more truthful than others. Honestly, I buy the last one more than any others). But I would like to add something more.

God’s image is expressed in us in stories. Remembering is a huge part of being human. Each day is a story, and we tell it like it is. Stories start religions and great social movements. Stories have profound creative powers, and, at times have profound destructive powers. Christianity, Judaism, Islam and all other religions are based upon stories. The civil rights movement used stories to make political change. Nazism spread because it told a good story. Individuals’ minds and hearts are changed by good stories. They are a huge part of our relationship with God. Without the story, there would be no faith in God. All of theology is learning how to tell the story of God’s encounter with humanity effectively and in a way that builds society up. Religion itself is story. Each holiday, each Sunday, each Shabbat, each numinous experience is a story. In the end, the story is the only real thing we have to hold on to. It really matters much more that an effective story is told than if something is objectively true. That is not to say that I do not believe God objectively exists. On the contrary, I very much do. All I am saying is that the story of God is what we encounter in the life of faith. It is what changes us, it is what changes the world. It is what makes us human and it is what makes us special. It is part of what it means to be in the image of God. Let us learn to tell it well.

future sermon

2010-05-03T07:51:00.001-07:00

Good morning world. I just whipped up this little piece for my preaching class and kind of dig it. It is a short beginning to a sermon on John 18:1-12. I thought you might like it:

On the night in which he was betrayed, Jesus of Nazareth unabashedly revealed his divine identity. The dark of that night was pierced by lanterns and torches lit by the false light of fear, accusation, and death. The calm of that night was disturbed by the rumble of more than 600 men marching to extinguish the true light of life, the light which does more than merely pierce the darkness, the light which overcomes the darkness, the light which enlightens everyone, the light which is Christ the Lord, Jesus the great “I AM.” In the darkness of this terrible night, amidst the raging shouts of his captors, Jesus identity is unequivocally revealed. Two simple words, “Ego eimi.” I am.

This declaration does not simply convey to Jesus’ captors that they have found the right criminal. The English translation, “I am he,” in response to the question “Whom are you looking for,” is misleading. Jesus’ words as written in the original Greek are none other than the name of God as spoken by God, “Ego eimi,” I AM. No, this declaration is not made to assure the captors that this man is indeed the one for whom they are looking. This declaration is the revelation of Jesus’ identity. It is at the very hour of his betrayal and capture that Jesus identifies himself as God incarnate. His identity is not made fully clear in front of a crowd of adoring fans, after a great sermon to his disciples, or in the middle of a healing or sign. Rather, Jesus reveals that he is God in the dark of night, in the hour of uncertainty and fear, and to a crowd of captors amongst whom stands his very betrayer. The crowd to whom Jesus reveals his identity is not a friendly one. The narrator has told us in verse 3 that they are coming with weapons, and she makes clear the fact that Judas was among them (v. 5). Yet, this group of captors and Judas seems to react appropriately as they fall to the ground in response to Jesus’ proclamation. It is almost as if they are caught in awe by these words and Jesus must remind them of what they must do in verses 7-8.

It is to his captors and the one who would betray him that Jesus reveals his divine identity. So today, Jesus reveals his divine identity to an imperfect people. A people often guided more by fear, mob mentality, and uncertainty than by the light of life. This does not occur in some glorious hour but in the dark of night amidst the chaos of mob rule and in the hour of his sealed fate. So today, Jesus is revealed in the frailty and chaos of our human experience. On the night in which he was betrayed Jesus unabashedly proclaimed, “Ego eimi,” I AM.

holy uncertainty

2010-04-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

This is a bonus post since I've been away for so long.

In the last year I've had to make a significant number of choices and decide how to respond to God's call in a number of ways. This constant discernment process, which I am sure I'll never leave, has granted me much occasion to reflect upon certainty. More than anything else in the past year I've wanted to be certain of everything. Here's a sample of what I'm talking about: I've wanted (and still want) to be certain about stuff in my personal life like where to go to seminary, whether Pippi and I are making the right choice in getting married at this point, choosing the right classes, joining the right justice organizations. I want certainty in bigger vocational questions like whether I'm called to ministry that especially focuses on urban ministry, emergent church, justice and social work, new testament studies and a subsequent professorship, or all of these, and if all of these then what in the world does that look like? Should I do CPE where I am? Should I join the CML cohort? I want certainty in huge theological questions like what faith means, what the role of justice is in salvation and what salvation is, how God relates to us. Can we know God's metaphysical attributes? Who cares about the Trinity? What in the world happened on the cross and why does it matter? These questions are NOT easily cleared up upon consultation of Scripture, tradition, reason, or church teaching.

In short, and I think if you have made it this far in the post this will be obvious, I spend a lot of time being uncertain. And I'm willing to bet that I'm not alone. Think about it. What can you say about your life with 100% certainty? I've thought about this a lot lately.

Then

Recently

It HIT me-

It is here that I most often meet God. In my frailty and my uncertainty God is most clearly witnessed to. It is in this state of uncertainty that I am reminded of the vainity, the absurdity, and the transient nature of life of which Qoheleth writes in Ecclesiastes. It is because I am not certain about anything that I trust, have faith in God. This place of uncertainty, where I question my very existence and God's very existence is holy ground. I meet the God who welcomes questioning and who takes me seriously enough to listen to my questions and respond in a diverse number of ways from aha moments to suggestions from friends to God's very Word.

This is spectacularly witnessed in the call of Moses. Moses is on holy ground and Moses is uncertain. The unlikely liberator has shown a passion for justice and God's imagined future by the time of his call in the Exodus narrative. But by the time the call rolls around, he is uncertain about so much: whether God has the right person, whether the Hebrews or Pharaoh will listen to him, whether God's future will ever be a reality. In his uncertainty he questions and God takes his questions seriously. As my Pentateuch teacher points out, "God will move with Moses, even adapting original divine plans in view of Moses' considerations. God's way into the future is thus not directed solely by the divine word and will (Fretheim, Exodus, 53)." Moses is uncertain. God meets him in this uncertainty and even changes God's own mind for the human agent. Our uncertainty is not something to flee from but something to embrace. We are called to struggle with God and our uncertainty is occasion to do so. God has blessed us with this discomfort so that we can meet and grow in relationship with God. Uncertainty is truly holy.

life since we last talked

2010-04-11T21:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Spring! What an amazing time here in MN. The resurrection is given whole new meaning when one survives a Minnesota winter and is greeted by the new life of a warm spring day. I know I'm being rather sappy but who couldn't be in this weather. It is even getting to the point where the night is comfortable. Wow! Every year I know it's coming, but every year spring takes me by surprise.

We are just past the midpoint of the semester and things are really picking up! Coming right off a week of pretty intense midterm paper writing, many of us are already looking toward finals. So much to do! Student council just finished our Bread for the World letter writing campaign this last Friday. It went quite well. The subject this year is the Earned Income Tax Credit, and it really needs our support. I sincerely recommend checking out the link above and writing a quick letter. God's vision for the world needs YOU!!!

Student Council's next big project is a screening of This Palestinian Life, a film documenting life in occupied (even if it is technically legal) Palestine. The screening will be followed by a discussion which will be incredible. Between Student Council, work, and school I'm being kept pretty busy, but my attention also has to be given to CPE, church, and the wedding. Seminary is certainly a busy time. Last week was our first Clinical Pastoral Education training. I'll be interning as a chaplain at Advocate Good Shepherd hospital in Barrington, IL. The hospital is big and beautiful, and I am really looking forward to the summer there. Developing pastoral care skills is definitely something that I'm excited about. Not to mention the opportunity to process all of this summer's happenings in a group setting. What with the wedding and everything else, I'll definitely benefit from the group. At church I am looking forward to our Earth Day celebration next weekend. We'll be volunteering at Minehaha falls! We've also got the March of Dimes coming up and we're going to hear author and emergent church mover and shaker Brian McLaren speak this coming Thursday! In other news, the wedding is coming along nicely. We're just finishing ordering invitations, and we pretty much have all the other important stuff done. Woohoo! Personally, I'm ready to be married and in Mexico! I think this is pretty much all that's going on...oh, wait. I forgot, I'm also in the process of applying to become a part of Luther's Congregation and Missional Leadership cohort. This will provide me with the tools to be able to pursue mission-focused calls even right out of seminary. In my opinion all calls are necessarily mission-focused, but I want to be sure that I am intentional about this focus. I'll talk more about this in my next post.

quick update

2010-03-11T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hi all. What a busy time. Between homework (which I obsessively do all of-probably not healthy), applying for scholarships, figuring out CPE, planning the wedding, student council, church, work, and all the little stuff in between, life can get pretty overwhelming. But, this is exactly what I signed up for. It is a good and refreshing busy. Yet, I know that the call to be a sabbath person is the call to take time to remember that it is not in these actions that I am a child of God, but in simply being and in faith. In all of the busyness, I am learning a few things. First, I am learning time and time again that a person must be able to say no! This is so important. Second, it is ok to ask for help. This is especially good for ministry in the priesthood of all believers. I have no right to take on all the work myself but am called to ask people to take responsibility too! What a beautiful thing to be in partnership rather than kingship! Third, I am learning that I am not in control. It doesn't matter how much I prepare for many of these things, somethings will go wrong. Now, I am sure that these are messages that will have to be drilled into my stubborn type-a head again and again, but it is good when I feel like I grasp them.

The weather is turning warm. Minnesota is beautiful this time of year. It is like swampland right now. Wonderful. The smell of the saturated ground captures me as I walk to class in our little picturesque neighborhood. Though it is in the middle of lent right now, this is certainly a resurrection time for the world. I think people who don't experience midwestern winters don't really get good theology. We must be driven to despair-to the cross-to know God and to experience God's promises. Just when we are despairing the most, the winter leaves and there is a new creation. I hope all is well.

swamped

2010-03-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

This is the point in the semester when life really begins to overwhelm. Midterms are fast approaching. The wedding is only 5.5 months away. Taxes are due, along with financial aid information. Student council is trying to do a bread for the world letter writing campaign. The list goes on and on. It is in times like these that I need sabbath practices. I don't mean this in the sense that I need to find time to be lazy. When life gets this way, it is completely important to remember, as Walter Brueggemann points out in his commentary on Genesis, that the world is God's and its turning or survival does not solely rely on our activity. If God is confident enough in the world's order to rest, then we can certainly do the same. Now, we certainly are given responsibility for the well-being of the world, so taking all our time for rest is not what we were created for. Still, know that we are loved for the simple fact that we are human. What we do and how we act matters. In fact, we are acting the most like humans when we fulfill our responsibilities to each other. Yet, this does not merit love, or singularly define us as human. Work is only part of the definition.

I think to years ago when I was in the practice of meditating as I watched water collect on leaves after rain. I know, weird hippie, right? Anyway, the centering thought that I used was that the water and the plant are not doing anything to earn their status as part of creation, not doing anything to earn God's favor, not doing anything to be anymore beautiful than they already are. Simply by existing, they are doing their job. The natural life of a plant and of rain is all it needs to do. By being, they are fulfilling their responsibility to the world. We are called to this sort of rest. The kind of rest that honors our being. As humans, we are also called back again after the rest into the responsibilities of our vocation. God has given the world into our care, so we can't alway rest.

listening across lines of faith

2010-03-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

The argument for faith is spectacularly personal. People on the outside easily attack this, calling it delusional thinking or brainwashing. We want to fit in, so we do whatever we need to. Yet, it is my experience that community is the only argument for faith. It is in community that faith grows and in community that we meet God who is, Godself, community. Being drawn into faith is never a matter of considering facts, but is born out of what I will call seduction. Participation in the body of Christ is seductive. One is drawn into faith if that one’s participation in the body resonates with that person. It is not the stuff of rationality. The theologian Peter Rollins describes this paradigm of faith in his book How (Not) to Speak of God. He likens it to family life. We are first born into a family and are accepted (hopefully). Thus, we first belong. We then start to imitate the behavioral patterns as displayed by the family, so we behave in a similar fashion. Finally, it may be the case that some of us begin to pick up the beliefs of our parents. This is the point where orthodoxy finally arrives. In the end we believe. It is the same with faith. People of faith first belong, then behave, and finally believe. The page number escapes me right now and I do not own the book.

In terms of how I would handle a situation in which I came into discussion about faith with an atheist, I think the encounter would be rather dialogic. I actually relate quite well to atheists. I have many of the same problems with faith that I hear from many of my atheist friends. Faith really makes little sense to me, yet I am compelled to believe. My biggest problem with religion in general is with the violence that has been and is wrought in the name of God. Yet, I see definite redemption in the great good that has been performed in the name of God. The backbone of nearly every successful movement toward justice and ultimate reconciliation has been faith. I firmly hold that religion is a greater instrument for social good than it is for social evil. It is more than the first way we tried to make sense of the world as Hitchens suggested. It changes the very order of the world. Further, like Wilson and Hitchens’ dialogue, my own would not have the final aim of conversion, but of understanding, of broadening worldviews and, perhaps, of changing my own perspectives in light of what I learn from my sister or brother. We must listen to the complaints of atheism and take seriously the cries of people who are affected by our faith as we live it in a very public and shared world.

a passage from an essay

2010-02-21T19:57:00.001-08:00

Much like the God that Christians and Jewish people witness to in the Torah, I am learning quite a lot about living in relationship. Through some rather difficult lessons in Genesis’ first eleven chapters, our God learns that to be in relationship, to truly know and love the other in all her or his humanity, costs. God is hurt time and time again. First, by Her new creation’s disobedience, then by a rift in brotherly love, then by the violence of all humanity, then by God’s own reaction to that violence, and finally by humanity’s desire to displace their trust in God and put it in their own self-made security.

Relationships grounded in reality, in freedom, and in love involve suffering. This is compassion, the fertile soil from which relationships sprout. The fruit of these relationships between God and humanity, sisters and brothers within humanity, and between humanity and all of creation is discipleship. Since God, Godself, is relationship and each one of us finds our own identity in relationship it simply follows that discipleship’s own genesis is in the experience of knowing God and the other.

Ultimately, the incarnation, human experience of Jesus, and His own execution at the hands of the Empire and religious authorities exemplify most poignantly God’s compassionate relationship with humanity. God’s experience, in a very real way, is the human experience. The flesh and blood, incarnational ministry of Jesus, the God who suffers, is the example that we disciples in ministry are called to follow here in this time and place.

Ministry, now more than ever, must be intentionally incarnational and relational. Our context is marked by depersonalization, dehumanization, and systemic violence. People complain of community breakdown, nations ignore their own sick and poor while indiscriminately killing thousands for the sake of “security,” and churches and communities built solely upon common affinity diminish the suffering of relationships that opens the doors to compassion.

It is no longer effective or even an appropriate expression of discipleship and mission to simply invite a friend to church on rally Sunday. Mission cannot be contained by church walls or convincing others to align their worldviews and intellectual understanding of God with our own. No, the Church must meet people where they are and truly come to know the other in all of her or his humanity. Jesus did the same in eating with tax collectors and sinners. In the aftermath of Christendom, the Church has the opportunity to re-form itself in dialogue, to be honest about hypocrisy and failure, to be more fully human. Moreover, now is a time to participate in God’s re-creational work.

This relational understanding does not diminish the political task of the Church. As long as there is economic injustice, violence, and oppression, and as long as everyone the world over participates in these ills (either by direct involvement or complicity), the task of the Christian Church is necessarily political. Christians either supports the status quo or challenges the oppression of that same status quo. A church that takes seriously the call to discipleship will be intentional about its political task and will work for justice against the oppressive powers and principalities of the status quo set against God. This occurs both in relational acts of charity that truly get to know the other who is negatively affected by the powers and principalities in the world, and in works of advocacy and justice. Practically, the political task of the church must begin in local communities. The challenge of the pastor is to help the other disciples see how larger systems are at work within their own community. This personalizes oppression and is the only way to invite the congregation to the works of charity and justice to which we are called.

Justification by Coma (Dr. Sundberg)

2010-02-16T21:49:00.000-08:00

In light of the distance between this post and the last, I will briefly summarize life in the last few months. Busy.

Last semester ended well. I enjoyed and did well in my classes. Christmas break was very relaxing. I'm sure I saw many of you. There was some drama around the reception hall for Pippi and my wedding. It went bankrupt and we lost our $600 deposit. But we found a new, less expensive place and will be getting hitched on Friday August 13. Friday the 13th. Spooky. Then I took a class for J term in Chicago called the Dimensions and Dynamics of Urban Ministry. We dealt with the pastor's role as prophet, and confronting violence, economic injustice, and racism with the gospel. Through that class I really came to understand how deep my passion is for ministry in the city. I feel so called to see the world and theology from the bottom up and to minister from this place. I got the incredible honor of meeting the kind and intelligent Jeremiah Wright and Father Pflager. If you don't know who they are, google the names, they are two prophets worth knowing.

After the class, I basically watched horror movies for three weeks and got ready for the semester by reading and taking care of administrative stuff. Recently, I was nominated for the FTE's Ministry Fellowship. I am pretty excited about that and will let you know how it goes.

Now I am taking Systematic Theology: Creation and the Triune God, Reformation History, Galatians and Thessalonians, and Pentateuch. A full load, but a fun one. I was going to talk about a new meaning for faith and salvation in our changing world, but I am tired, I'll do this soon.

seduced

2009-11-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

I can feel my brain being spun into goo in these last few days before Thanksgiving break. Fortunately, school has slowed down somewhat. Professors are smart people and realize that we are not at all present when a break is this close. Besides the molasses brain, this week has been pretty great. Peter and I have been talking a lot about experience and how our noses stuck inside books all the time is important but it does not make us very engaging people. Experience was the name of the game this week, and I have had quite a few meaningful ones. I made a connection with a progressive pastor last Sunday during phonathon. We'll hopefully be getting together to gush about Borg and revel in inclusivity and wide and deep grace and liberation against the grain of ultra rigid confessionalism and cheap grace when he comes for a kairos conference in December (plus he donated $50 which is a plus. ) I've spent long hours in conversation with LSS about our partnership and have been working hard on the giving tree program. Pip and I had a date, and I spent more time than ever getting to know other students during dinner. And wouldn't you know it, I have actually stayed up to date with school work. I am finally beginning to be able to balance school and still live like a real person.

Perhaps the most amazing experience I had all week was at church today. At the FTE conference on economic justice in June, my Episcopal friend told me the story of a friend of his who had recently become Episcopal. He spoke of how his friend originally hated saying the creed and the other parts of the liturgy during church because he didn't whole heartedly believe it. He felt as though he was lying. But in following months he came to find the liturgy to be very moving and even central to his faith. In a conversation over coffee he told my friend from the conference that he had been "seduced" by the liturgy. Though, he still did not believe factually in everything that the creed and liturgy said, the words became a part of his faith-a part of his being. Participation in the practices where we meet God propels us into God's activity in the world. God, that tricky coyote (read Asphalt Jesus by Eric Elnes), seduces us, causes us to fall in love with God and with meeting God through participation. This was made so clear to me at church today. The actual service at Jacob's Well was fine and dandy, a surprisingly normal stewardship service, but after the worship time we stuck around. Our conversations with people after the service made us feel more a part of that community than we ever have before. God began to seduce us into God's fold at JW. Then I went to Swahili church where my close friend Pastor Herb Hafferman was delivering the maneno. Hearing the service in Swahili and taking communion in the name of Baba yetu, na Bwana Yesu, na Roho Mtakatifu drew me into a place where I haven't been for a year. I experienced church and God so profoundly though that experience, and so did Peter and Steve. We hope to make it back to Swahili church once every month now. God is one fine seductress.

dawning activism.

2009-11-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

Some updates on the happenings here at Luther: Part of my involvement in student council here is to commit to forming and being active in a committee. The committee are essentially campus groups engaged in specific work aimed at benefiting the campus and the community. So a few of us students decided to start the Community Connection Team, committed to service and justice in the Twin Cities. There is a really great core of people involved and we already have drawn up plans for campus wide engagement in issues of poverty. We are coordinating a "mitten tree" with Lutheran Social Services. So, if you are reading this and you are in the area, please stop by and pick up a couple requests for items to donate to LSS! My hope for this group is that we become more and more deeply involved in working against poverty. You know, perhaps the most disappointing thing for me in coming to seminary was what I perceived to be a lack of concern for social justice. There is a rich tradition of justice in Lutheranism (see Bonhoeffer) but I fear that we grace ourselves into complacency and acceptance of our roles in oppressive systems. Grace is important but we must remember that we are freed to be slaves to each other (see Luther's Freedom of a Christian and the uses of the Law). Great, we are saved by grace through faith, now what. Do we only believe because we get to go to heaven or are we captivated by the invitation to live differently than the world, to say no to oppression and fear and certainty and yes to justice and love and faith. The central question here is one that I struggle with on a daily basis: Why Christian? So I am very excited about this new development on campus.

Outside of this, the semester is winding down and that means work. Glorious, glorious work. Fortunately, my job at the phonathon is going to end next week, just in time to focus on the finals. Woo!

all souls day

2009-11-02T13:25:00.000-08:00

Today, the day after all saints day, is the Roman Catholic holy day called all souls day. What an appropriate week in my own life. Wednesday saw the passing of the father of my best friend and the loss has rested deep in our community. This day takes on special significance right now in light of this recent tragedy.

The experiential emphasis in our religious experience is especially pertinent for me right now. The experience of the presence of the oppression of death is the one final common human factor. We all die. Unfortunately, we are united in death. Fortunately, in our frailty we meet Christ who has had his share of death.

The unity with Christ and the Christian community has been made especially clear in the last week. The support that Luther extends speaks greatly of the seminary as a Christian community. As a church goer recently said when I interviewed him for a class, "We do death well."

I am about to leave for my friend's father's funeral, thus the short and jumbled entry. I will write again soon.

Tim

wow-long time, short post

2009-10-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

Good night.

I have not written in a very long time. I apologize for this and will try once again to make it at least a weekly thing. It has been crazy busy with midterms the past couple weeks and it looks like it will only get crazier in the near future. Oh well, I guess that is what I signed up for. I suppose the horrendous busyness is a good way to teach me to say no to things. For me this is a hard learned lesson, but one I am learning and that I know I will be thankful for in the long run. This is an opportunity to learn what self-care looks like in the midst of chaos. You know, it is kind of silly but the ELCA has this spiritual wholeness wheel that I have been trying to live by the past week or so. Last week was my synod's candidacy retreat and we spent a good deal of time talking about the wheel which has six parts: Physical, social, emotional, intellectual, vocational, and financial. Running through all of these is spiritual wellbeing. Now, I normally think stuff like this is ridiculous, but after just a few weeks of seminary, it is clear that so many church folk need to learn to better care for themselves.

I tell you that to tell you this: today was my first day at my teaching parish. This is a program where seminarians become a part of a single church body in the area. My context is a mission congregation called Jacob's Well. I feel like this is going to be a great fit and it will certainly get me started on my focus on mission and emerging ministries. Today's message was about economic justice and freedom (obviously, being Reformation day, this is not a "regular" Lutheran church). It really made me question my relationship with money which is something that I think about a lot. The question always bothers me: is it ok to still have plenty of money and just give, save, and spend it well or are we called to poverty? This is probably the question I struggle with the most. Jacob's Well today made one of the first decent cases I have ever heard for the first option of stewardship. You can check out their website for more info on the link above. Also, when you get a chance, look at this site. Talk to you soon.

Tim

pleasantly heretical

2009-10-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Good evening. I am just coming from what may have been the most fruitful conversation that I have had here thus far. It came in the most surprising place-from a class that I normally don't put a lot into or get a lot out of. The ruach blows where it pleases. Let me explain.

I haven't been completely honest in my conversations with many of you and in my blog. Seminary, in some ways has been quite a difficult adjustment. I think this explains how I have often felt here: creep. I have felt so out of place in many ways. Like a heretic. I get the whole Lutheran thing and I am more than happy to call myself a Lutheran because of the firm foundation in theology of the cross-what I think to be the most positive theological move that the church has ever made. My big problem has to do with what the church is teaching. In our affluent context, I don't think we need to have such an enormous emphasis on anselmic atonement theory. Great, we're going to heave. Now what? I get it, saved by grace through faith, but I am starting to see that, especially if the Kingdom of God, Jesus central message in the gospels, is to be even a partial reality, then it is time to focus our efforts on community and discipleship. Our churches need to be challenged to listen to what Jesus says in the gospels, and take Him seriously. We are so happy to hear about how we've been saved for heaven, but we are so offended when we are asked to widen our community or work for the hope of the proclamation that salvation is a present reality.

This may be disjointed, but in short, have been drowning in a sea of this orthodoxy here, finding few other friendly heretics with whom I can huddle. Fortunately, no, by the grace of God, I stuck around in my Ed 1 class after we were free to go watch the holy game tonight. The few of us who stuck around talked. I was given a glimmer of grace.

Our conversation boiled down to forming church around perichoretic relationships. This p word is a fancy and very useful way of talking about the Trinity. Mutual indwelling is the fancy term to describe the fancy p word and what that means is that all the parts of the Trinity are interconnected but have sure borders as well. As Tertullian put it, "three persons, one substance." I won't go much further, but I really encourage you to read about it. Moltmann writes extensively on the subject. In any matter, this image of the trinity affects our communities as we seek to form those in the image of the perichoretic trinity. Our communities are called to be places of mutual indwelling and respectful "interpenetration." (snicker at this point.) To put it in the easiest terms possible I will use Peter Rollins' paradigm shift. The old way that church was "done" was modeled in a "Believe-then behave-then belong" paradigm. In this, orthodoxy was key. We formed groups because we believed the same stuff. In this way, salvation is understood as an end event in which we go to heaven for believing the right things (sounds like works righteousness to me.) The shift is being made to "Belong-then Behave-then Believe." Like children born into a family, we first belong to each other and to God. Then this affects our ethics. Finally, we may agree on some points. From this point, we can respectfully disagree and know that none of us know. This may have been a rambling discourse, but it is all I can offer right now. Good night and good luck.

consolation/desolation

2009-09-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

Consolation and desolation are two terms used in the Ignatian practice: examen. As far as I understand it, consolation and desolation are the things that enrich our lives and the things that cause us sorrow or trouble. The examen is a practice of reflecting on these two parts of life. While I am not too clear on the practice, I would like to operate in this frame as I consider those things that have been consoling and those that have been desolating in my experience with transitioning to seminary thus far.

Consolation: Community is everywhere, if you look for it. Grad school is quite different than undergrad as they do not have very many synthetic community activities. Yet, one gets very close one's neighbors at an alarming rate when those people memorize the qal paradigm together in Hebrew. People seek each other out for help. We work together and not in competition. This was hard at first, but now I really appreciate it. In short, people study together, and that leads to praying together (at first desperately for help with the qal paradigm). Community is very close.

Desolation: The most difficult and hindering part of seminary thus far has been time. It is so important to be able to manage time here. I figured that it would be simple since I just came from undergrad. I could just operate on the same work schedule and all would be well in my little educational universe. Oh crap, was I ever wrong. Classes are set up in blocks. In other words, most classes meet once every week for 3 hours at a time. This gets real tricky when trying to figure out when to do what. Instead of nice little chunks of work and frequent evaluations (I feel like Lisa) we have rare papers and tests and large, undivided reading assignments. Be warned. Buy a big planner.

Desolation part two: We are forced to journal. I hate journaling. But I'm kind of a big baby.

These will do for now, but I am sure you will hear more. Maybe I'll do it weekly. Who knows. Let me know if you have any questions.

Tim

PS A decent book on EXAMEN is sleeping with bread by Three people named Linn. It is a picture book so not a big time commitment. God knows we don't have any time. Check it out.

the business of the church

2009-09-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by explaining that we M Div first years (juniors) have the "extra curricular" assignment for which we find a "teaching congregation" at which we work 10-12 hours every month. I am really quite excited for this project as it is a great way to understand better the life of the parish and a chance to directly move from the ideas discussed in the classroom into the practice of those ideas in the parish. Still, I am a little irked by the way in which the assignment is to be carried out. And my discomfort has to do with the wider practices of the faithful in our American context.

Here is a journal entry for my education course from earlier today:

This revamped form of the teaching parish is, for me, still in the "church shopping" phase. I visit new churches every week as a sojourner to find one that fits. I am torn over whether this is a good method. While we do need o be in congregations that fit and challenge us, a part of me is very uncomfortable with church shopping. It seems ideal to me to have a community parish where one's whole community meets to worship and live life together. But I understand (especially after reading God is Back) that this has never really been a part of our nation's ecclesial landscape. Voluntarism is a part of our faith. I am also made uncomfortable by the language that is directly taken from capitalism. This model is so marketing and business like. It smacks of competition. We must sell our message to the public and the group with the best sales pitch, and who presents the shiniest version of the product gets the customers. The reality of our context is that this tends to be true. Even the emerging church, which I tend to hold up, presents the gospel in a way that is designed to be attractive, ready to consume, and, dare I say, trendy. New monastics-those so ardently opposed to consumer culture-even market their message (see the sales numbers of Claiborne's books).

Now, I wonder, is this a part of the nature of religion, which needs people in order to survive? Or, as a people so shaped by the Wealth of Nations, is this an especially American or post/late-modern phenomenon? Can evangelism be done without the use of micro-economic language that makes the capitalist model its normative framework?

a week

2009-09-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

The second week is coming to a close and I certainly need the weekend. I probably won't write long today as I am frightfully tired.

A quick run down of the highlights: since last post I found a new pub to frequent (the dubliner)...you know it's funny, I sat here just now for about three minutes trying to think of other things to say but other than studying I can't think of anything. I basically study. All the time. I am beginning to realize I may have bitten off a rather large chunk this semester. But secretly (not so secretly) I am really enjoying it. I love spending most waking hours studying. And when I am not studying I am normally eating, talking with Pippi, or playing ultimate frisbee. It's a pretty great life. Oh yes, I guess I did get a job with the phonathon which will be great (grads expect a call from me), and I think I've decided upon an emphasis. I am really leaning toward New Testament. I have always pictured myself there, and even if I want to study missiology later on, a NT master's will serve me quite well. This decision is due mostly to the fact that my Luke class and History class are amazing.

For those of you who know her, Pippi is doing great. She is loving her school but is looking forward the end of these six weeks so she can focus on the princess gig. In other related news, we may start a group for spouses on campus just to get together. Many of my friends complain that theirs are depressed and lonely. It shouldn't be that way. Ok, if you can't tell from the poor writing, I am very very tired. So I will try to write more soon. G'night.

Tim

oh yeah, the purpose of this blog

2009-09-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, I wanted to do this in the beginning buy forgot. I just wanted to be clear that this blog is intended to keep me in touch with my various home and supporting congregations, to offer reflections, and to offer insights to those who are considering seminary. So, seriously, if you are considering and have questions that I don't address about anything in the process, from candidacy to admissions, to everyday life, let me know. Most of you have access to my email address. just let me know. ok. Sleepytime. I will write again in about a week.

Tim

well settled in but still getting used to it

2009-09-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

As I come to the last day of the first week of classes, I have a lot on my mind. From technical and monetary issues, to juggling social, academic, and spiritual life (complicated by the fact that they are all intertwined), to reflections on the topic of today's chapel. I suppose I am doing what we all are doing: figuring life out while we go along, with an eye toward a hopeful future.

First week, our orientation week, was very helpful. A surprising amount of information was given to us (Luther has some great resources to help students in every aspect of life). I say surprising because most older students complained of first week being very superficial and pointless. Well, it certainly wasn't pointless as I actually know with whom I need to speak when a variety of questions arise, and it most definitely wasn't superficial as we spent the week delving into relevant topics with other students and faculty facilitators. I met a great group of students in my immigration study group who are now becoming my close friends. We also got to experience the cities in a unique way: we spent time at the WAM's Somali photography exhibit, with Lutheran social services, at local global vendors, and in conversation with immigrants and fellow students about God's call to care for the outsider. God really has been opening to me the centrality of community and how our truth and worldview is shaped by our contexts.

Pippi is doing well at her new school and I get to see her ever weekend and maybe one evening during the work week. This weekend we are probably taking our engagement pics with Steve. It will be wonderful when her 6 week gig is up and she can focus on the princess stuff. She is very excited about that.

Classes have been wonderful and disappointing. Some of the classes are challenging and have brought out great conversations about the shape of the Church in our world. (In fact, I think I am going to pick up an emphasis in Congregation and Missional leadership because of one of my classes). Others have been stagnant and frankly boring. There are a few unfortunate times when I feel that Wartburg was more challenging, but I am sure that things will change as the semester goes on. Hebrew takes up most of my time right now, which is great. I love language learning and have never gotten to study a language with such vastly different characters.

A quick reflection: Today's chapel speaker brought up a couple of questions that I think we would do well to ponder. The first was, "What makes us angry?" Reflection upon this can reveal our passions. The second was, "What is our withered hand?" What is that which we are embarrassed to stretch out before our neighbors? And the third was, "What is our nation's withered hand?" Is it putting economic bottom lines before the health of our neighbor? Racism? Jingoism? Xenophobia? Economic violence? Violence against women? Violence against the unborn? Or maybe against those who perform abortions? Greed? The need to always be progressing and growing? Intolerance? Hunger? Wars of terror?

To paraphrase Dr. Jones, let us howl against these things.

Tim

the move

2009-08-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday. The day before the beginning of orientation. Two days after moving in. A week before classes. It has been an eventful couple of weeks since the last post. For those of you who know her, Pippi moved to her suburb and has successfully been organizing her Princess Parties business. She handed out hundreds of business cards, set up a website (http://sites.google.com/site/princesspippiparties/), and appeared at Woodbury Days in her full get up to play with kids and give away cd's she made. She has also secured a full time, 6 week substitute music position at Inver Grove Heights.

Last week was spent blindly preparing for seminary and I moved in on Friday. The whole process went smoothly. It has been odd with no roommate for the last couple of days. First year housing doesn't leave room for more than one person. Hopefully this will not impede community. For me, community is central and it is the only thing that I am nervous about here. Luther is the largest ELCA seminary and I know that it is easy to get lost in a crowd, especially with a fiancee that lives off campus. So, I resolve not to get lost in the crowd. I will find strong community here and make relationships. It is my primary goal. Education is enriched when it is communal and the Christian experience is not Christian without other members of the body. Finding a balance of solitude and community will be a welcome challenge.

This morning, I went to church at St. Anthony's right next door with my friends Peter and Steve. It was obvious that this was a faculty congregation as the service was tremendously "liturgical" (the quotations are because all churches are liturgical in the own way, but I cannot presently think of a better word). The sermon, based on the lectionary readings, concerned the recently passed sexuality statement. I bet this will be true for the next few months. I just hope that all discussion is based on mutual love and understanding and we don't sink into bible bombing as I know that this has certainly happened before. What a wonderful opportunity this business is to realize that our foundation is Christ and that we are bound by nothing else. What an opportunity to stand together as the diverse body of Christ in discussions based in mutuality and respect. Still, I fear that these opportunities will be ignored. I feel very blessed to be in the ELCA at this time and especially to be part of a seminary body which gets to immerse ourselvevs constantly in discussion. I can't wait to see what happens.

Well, orientation starts tomorrow. I will post more regularly now and will let you know how the week goes in a few days. Later.

great preparations

2009-08-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm Tim. I'm 22, just graduated from Wartburg College in the Spring and at the end of this week I'll start the process of moving from Elburn, Ill to St. Paul, MN to begin seminary at Luther. The move in process will start Saturday when I help my fiancee, Pippi, move into her new place up North. All in all, the future looks pretty bright. Pippi will live close as she pursues her dreams of being Princess Pippi at birthday parties and libraries, and substitute teaches music classes.

I am outrageously excited to begin seminary and life in a new context.

This summer has been one of great preparations. Together, we have been preparing for our wedding and life together and she has been amazing in encouraging me to prepare for seminary and pastoral ministry. Alone, I have spent the summer working at a day camp in Naperville, IL and studying Greek. The camp gig came to an end a week and a half ago and I have since been focusing more on the Greek. Since I took two years in undergrad, I saw no need to do Summer Greek, but found my skills to be quite rusty. So, I have been rereading the good old text book. Getting Mounced as it is. Nothing like a chapter on Liquid Futures to really brighten up a morning on this little acreage in Illinois. Other than Greek, I spend a lot of time eating my future parents-in-law's food, watching Scrubs, gardening, and reading and meditating.

As may be obvious, I am waiting for a lot to happen right now. I am very much at an in-between stage in life. I am waiting for seminary to start, to get married, and to explore more specifically where God is calling Pippi and I to serve and be. That's not to say that I am discontented with where I am, itching to reach some end. Quite the contrary, I am loving this journey and being out here with people who are grounded deeply in love. It is good. But still, I am excited for the change to come.